“You’re a terrible best friend. You stole my toys when we were little. You poured lemonade on my bed.”
“And now I’m eating your boyfriend. At least I’m consistent.”

Diablo Cody scored a lot of accolades for penning Juno. That movie turned Ellen Page into a mainstream star, capitalized on everyone’s love for the awkwardly funny Michael Cera, and showcased Cody’s hip, razor-sharp writing skills. “That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.” Gold, right? Well, Cody was clearly aiming for the fences again with Jennifer’s Body, which stars everyone’s ultra-babe, Megan Fox, as a sexy, boy-eating demon. I’d accuse Cody of completely selling out, but this idea is so good I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it first. It takes the high school drama chicks go for, throws in the flesh-eating action dudes go for, and puts Megan Fox right in the middle of it all. Shameless, I tell ya, but who doesn’t love a little shame now and then?

Ok, so Fox plays Jennifer Check, the hottest girl at what I can safely assume is the only high school in Devil’s Kettle, Anywhere, U.S.A. Her BFF (did I really just type that?) is the bookish “Needy” Lesnicky (Amanda Seyfried), who splits her time equally between hanging out with her adoring boyfriend and living in Jennifer’s shadow. Well, one night Jennifer and Needy head to a bar to scope out the pretty boys from the big city in the indie band Low Shoulder. Not one song into the show and the whole bar goes up in flames, a la that Great White show in Rhode Island a few years back, and the boys in the band grab the disoriented Jennifer, toss her in their van, and take off, despite Needy’s best efforts to convince Jennifer to come home with her.

Jennifer returns from her “date” with the band a little different — ahem — and soon some of the boys at school start turning up dead. Actually, not just dead, but disemboweled. Needy is the only one who figures out what Jennifer is up to and starts to come loose at the seams, which is understandable considering her boyfriend won’t believe her and her best friend is puking up black goo, can heal from wounds rather quickly, and has an insatiable appetite for guy guts. Like all teenage best friends, Jennifer and Needy fight and then make out and then fight again (that’s how it goes, right?), but the relationship reaches its breaking point when Jennifer takes a hungry interest in Needy’s boyfriend.

I’d like to tell you what happens with the band to turn Jennifer into an evil, rabid, blood thirsty hellion in a skirt, but I think I’d be spoiling things for you just a bit. What I can tell you is that Cody is in fine form once again, her dialogue rife with the bizarre, colourful things no one ever says in real life but wishes they did. It can get irritating, though, hearing it come from the mouths of snarky teenagers (as was also the case with Juno). The movie has a lot of lame indie music in it (with one awesome exception: The Sword!), which is a total bummer for beards like you and me, but you get to stare at lots of Fox skin, so you can suck it up like I did. The gore is ok and…actually, you know what? You’re gonna watch this movie for the same reason everyone else watched it, so I don’t really need to say anything else.

Well, one more thing: Check out the trailer for Jennifer’s Body!