Any time Jemaine Clement, as Dr. Ronald Chevalier, esteemed science fiction author, opened his mouth to speak in Gentlemen Broncos (2009), I started laughing; his deep, conceited tone, his nonsensical cosmic ramblings, and his penchant for all things sci-fi (“May the glistening chrome of the Borg Queen shine upon us all” he quotes from Star Trek). Hell, any time he appeared on screen, dressed in his faux 80s, shamanistic, turtle-necked, Stetson garb, with a thick salad atop his head, a blue tooth in his ear (which he never once uses), and the type of manicured beard you only see on dudes in old cigarette ads, I laughed. Mainly because it’s Jemaine Clement, but also because Chevalier is the cream of the Jared Hess character crop. Hess, who’s also responsible for Napoleon Dynamite and Nacho Libre, has created yet another quirky universe inhabited by odd, awkward, out-of-touch loners, including Chevalier and Benjamin Purvis (Michael Angarano), a young science fiction writer, whose latest creation, The Yeast Lords: The Bronco Years, has been pilfered by Chevalier and turned into a best-selling book.

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You know, I really didn’t have much hope for The Last House on the Left, the 2009 remake (or rather, adaptation) of Wes Craven’s 1972 film of the same name, because remakes are, for the most part, unoriginal, money-making film fodder. And I thought that my hopelessness was indeed going to prove true after watching the first five minutes of this movie and having to digest the terrible cop/criminal dialogue that takes place therein. Add on to that the usual isolated house in the woods location (where, of course, cell phones don’t work), a big storm on the horizon, the convenience of the father’s occupation as a surgeon (who better to exact torturous revenge?), the convenience of the daughter’s skills as a swimmer (who better to escape from the killers’ grasp by the lake?), and…well, you get the idea. However, my hopelessness quickly turned to complete and utter uncomfortable interest as this movie went on. By the end, I was disgusted…and pleased.

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Again, it’s the children. Those creepy, demonic children. And in The Unborn, even the, well…unborn are getting in on the action. Sort of. Oh, and just so we’re clear, this is the recent 2009 movie starring Gary Oldman and Odette Yustman, not the 2003 Thai movie or the 1991 movie that features Kathy Griffin and Lisa Kudrow (although I think I’d love to see that one!). Anyway, all of the fetal madness in this The Unborn centers around college hottie, Casey (Yustman), who’s having dreams about buried fetuses in a jar, a freaky looking youngster, and a dog wearing a human mask. Still mulling over her dream while on a babysitting gig, Casey walks in on the older of the two kids holding a mirror in the face of his infant sibling. Then he smashes Casey in the face with the mirror and says, “Jumby wants to be born now.” Clearly, Casey is having issues with anyone under the age of five and things aren’t about to get any sunnier for her.

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