This piece of shit movie is supposed to be about disenfranchised teens, the bonds of friendship, and sexual curiosity, blah blah, but I think it’s just an hour and a half of poorly acted, terribly scripted, rape. Or necrophilia, depending on how you want to look at it. First, I couldn’t get past the 20-something actors that are suppose to be high school kids.  It didn’t work on 90210 and it’s not working here. Second, given the averages laid out by this film, 100% of men — sorry, boys — who come across a bound and dead (or near dead) body of a woman aren’t going to try and help her, but are going to fuck her repeatedly. If only the girls at school would just spread their legs, then these guys wouldn’t have to fuck a living corpse, huh? I guess that’s another point this movie is trying to make, so pay attention ladies. And about this dead girl? Well, she’s not really dead in so much as she can’t die. Don’t even bother asking why or how she got that way because that kind of detail isn’t important. The important thing is, she’s naked and not really willing.

(more…)

Year of No Light
Ausserwelt
Conspiracy Records

As you might expect, France’s Year of No Light sound like they hail from a land of icy repute and not the wine-rich Bordeaux region, what with their penchant for vile, sunless riffs and cold, callous fits of melancholic metal. And what goes on in this dark place where the golden rays of heaven’s fire refuse to shine? Well, terrible things, naturally, which is why the music that emerges from the fog and shadows is as black as a raven’s beak and as haunting as an asylum graveyard. I have no doubt that it takes an immortal kind of effort (or a pact with the Anti-Christ) to conjure up this kind of desolate dirge, which explains why Ausserwelt is just the second full-length release from Year of No Light in their near 10-year career (alongside a demo and a slew of splits).

(more…)

Two of the worst things to happen on (and to) TV in the last little while have been Conan O’Brien losing The Tonight Show and the announcement that Flight of the Conchords would not be returning for a third season. Forget what Kanye did to Taylor Swift; we’re talking real TV tragedies here, folks. Sadly, we’re gonna have to wait at least seven months before we can watch O’Brien again, but if it’s an FOTC fix you’re jonesing for, I suggest you wait patiently for Gentleman Broncos to come out, go watch Eagle vs. Shark again, or get your hands on this New Zealand comedy horror flick, Diagnosis: Death. Now before you get too excited, there’s actually very little of Bret McKenzie, Jemaine Clement, and Murray Hewitt (Rhys Darby) in Diagnosis: Death (Bret takes the lion’s share of screen time between the three, with Jemaine and Rhys playing very minor parts), but even a little bit of all three is worth a look-see.

(more…)