Jucifer
Throned in Blood
Relapse Records

Throned in Blood, Jucifer’s seventh album, sees married, nomadic duo Amber Valentine and Edgar Livengood at what is perhaps their most savage, which is really something when you consider the sheer amount of LOUD these two volume dealer’s put into everything they do. I mean, this one is utterly UNHOLY, dude, as close as they’ve come to making a black metal album, really, and makes ’08′s L’Autrichienne sound like an afternoon tea party. Christ, any one of their six albums prior to this one had a handful of graceful, and I dare say pretty, moments, but this one is just ruthless and barbaric (don’t let the album’s last track, “Armageddon,” fool you, it may be soft but it’s still barbaric). If you ever thought Jucifer had a tendency to sound like the Melvins, just listen to a song like “Hiroshima” (or any of ‘em, hell) because now they sound like the Melvins on a more nuclear scale. If I didn’t already know that Amber is capable of softening things up every now and then I would assume she received a throat transplant courtesy of the Devil himself and is now abusing that vocal prowess like it owes her six months rent…and its first born. Jucifer is a multiple ear plug band on the best of days, but with Throned in Blood you’re going to want to encase your head in cement and pray that the boiling, rotten, and AWESOME energy pouring out of this one doesn’t penetrate your cold, grey fortress of solitude and disintegrate your fucking skull.

Listen to “Contempt” from Throned in Blood!

Year Long Disaster
Black Magic; All Mysteries Revealed
Volcom Entertainment

It’s always a real pain in the ass when someone tries introducing me to a band by saying, “they’re the best band you’ve never heard of” and that’s mostly because I have heard of them, and merely suggesting I haven’t heard of them insinuates that I, unlike the much cooler, more maligned you, have my bearded head buried deep inside the business end of a pregnant alpaca.

That being said, Year Long Disaster is the best band you’ve never heard of.

I know. I’m such a dick. But forget about that right now and just pay attention.

(more…)

Every once in awhile (or maybe it’s more like all the time), the wife and I pull out a really bad movie and revel in its awesomeness. This time around it was The Landlady, a 1998 low-budget thriller starring Talia Shire (Adrian to you Rocky fans; Connie to you Godfather fans) as Melanie Leroy (or Dade), a psychotic landlady looking — and killing — for love. Now, to be honest, I didn’t think Talia was ever in anything else but the Rocky and Godfather movies, yet here she is stalking and terrorizing tenants in an LA apartment building. I think it’s safe to say that she was fed up with being a wife (boxer’s, mobster’s, or whatever) because it only takes a few minutes in this movie for her to kill her cheating husband, become a landlady, and set her evil sights on a dream life with the perfect man.

(more…)