Orange Goblin
A Eulogy for the Damned
Candlelight Records

If you’ve got a beard, own a bong, or ride a bike, chances are this year’s most anticipated release for you is Orange Goblin’s A Eulogy for the Damned. And why not? The band released its first six albums in ten years, and its now been damn near five years since 2007′s Healing Through Fire, so chances are you’ve got one hell of an itch to take to the starry highway to hit up OG’s cosmic dope show once again. But where the UK quartet was once raw and bloozy it is now cooked and mean, and the smoky caravan kitsch it once proudly boasted in its space-brewed riffs has given way to a prouder, louder form. In fact, aside from vocalist Ben Ward’s chain-link preaching, the Southern boogie doom of “Save Me From Myself” or the bold groove of “Return to Mars,” there’s very little left in the way of OG’s former scuzzy self, and what stands before you today is a tyrant fifteen stories tall, an angry world-eater with a heavy metal law to lay the fuck down. And this is a metal album in many ways thanks to songs like “Red Tide Rising,” “Acid Trial,” “The Fog,” “Death of Aquarius,” and “Bishop’s Wolf,” which is not something you could have really said about any past OG album. It is also very much a statement album, the aforementioned songs leaving the deepest cut, but even OG’s familiar stoner rock fare, like the melodic “Stand For Something” and “The Filthy and the Few” contain a demented edge to ‘em, and the acoustic-psych intro on closer “A Eulogy To The Damned” points to OG’s dark, force-fueled approach to making this record. If you’ve ever hoped that Orange Goblin would one day step up and make a power move, that they’d drop all that whiskey-soaked astro-noodling and put some steel and muscle into their tunes, A Eulogy for the Damned is your hope come true.

Listen to “Red Tide Rising” from A Eulogy for the Damned!

At the beginning of the month I put a call out to all you fellow Beardians, giving you the opportunity to tell me what your favourite albums were this year. I figured that kind of year-end interaction would be better than me coming up with some arbitrary best-of list. Well, I’m not sure if that was too much work for you or if it’s the fact that no one actually reads this blog (that’s highly possible, but I’ll continue on as if at least a few of you are reading), but I got zero response. So…now you’re stuck with a list!

While I did enjoy a great many releases this year (this list concerns mainly full-lengths, not EPs or singles even though I listened to some damn fine ones this year), there were some that affected me more than the rest, and we’ll get to those in a minute. First though, specific thanks go out to Roadsaw, Dixie Witch, Lo-Pan, Trap Them, Biters, Mariachi El Bronx, Toxic Holocaust, Karma To Burn, Hazzard’s Cure, Premonition 13, Black Spiders, Mastodon, Saviours, Spiders, Darlings of Chelsea, Helms Alee, Blood Ceremony, Danava, Monster Truck, C’mon, Barn Burner, Jesse Sykes & The Sweet Hereafter, The Heavy Eyes, Opeth, Elder, and Omega Massif for releasing some top notch, beard-approved albums this year. All mighty stellar indeed.

But there were 14 albums in particular this past year that blasted my beard all to sweet holy hell, and while I’m not gonna rank ‘em, I do think they deserve some extra attention, and you’d be best served to go and seek them out immediately if you haven’t already. So here they are, in alphabetical order…

Black Cobra – Invernal: Eight cuts of unrelenting rotten roll much braver, louder, and nastier than any Black Cobra album that’s come before… (review here)

Elks – Destined for the Sun: This year’s ‘Holy-fuck-these-guys-are-my-new-favourite-band!’ band… (review here)

Gentleman’s Pistols – At Her Majesty’s Pleasure: You don’t so much as listen to it as you do walk into its dark and musty den and stare at all the trophy riffs mounted on the wall like 10 point bucks… (review here)

Glitter Wizard – Solar Hits: Their cosmic psych-punk is gonna hit you like one thousand crotch lasers to the face… (review here)

Graveyard – Hisingen Blues: Rarefied fuzzdom, a kind of electric catnip that makes bell-bottomed leaf hounds go bat-shit… (review here)

Jeremy Irons & The Ratgang Malibus – Bloom: An incredibly soulful jam that focuses the majority of its attention on delivering its hazy, swirling melodies in a clear and present manner… (review here)

The Low Anthem – Smart Flesh: The indie Rhode Island band instills a breathless yearning into their music that rivals any other kind of emotional response you will get from any other kind of music… (review here)

Michael Monroe – Sensory Overdrive: Full of so many eyelined hits it’ll make your head spin… (review here)

Midnight – Satanic Royalty: Black metal thrash so absurdly good you’ll be reawakening neck muscles that have been retired since the early 80s… (review here)

Orchid – Capricorn: Witchy-riffed psych-blues that, had it been recorded in 1969, would be the subject of the first chapter of all tomes concerning the history of heavy metal… (review here)

The Shrine – Bless Off Demo: Just one run through Bless Off‘s neurotic, thrashy, fuzzy, riff-packed punk-doom hybrid and beer will taste better, partying will last longer, denim will fit snugger, and your conquests — sexual or otherwise — will be mightier… (review here)

Skraeckoedlan - Äppelträdet: Äppelträdet (The Apple Tree) stands deep-rooted and thick-trunked, its branches offering  the sweet taste of mammoth melody, and each song you pick is bigger and juicer than the next… (review here)

Turbowolf – Turbowolf: A sweat bomb of ultra-hip, greasy electricity… (review here)

Untimely Demise – City of Steel: Dynamite piece of soul fucking metal… (review here)

So that’s it…another good year, huh? Sadly, I would’ve like to have reviewed Nordic Nomadic’s Worldwide Skyline and some other stuff, but I didn’t. Can’t word ‘em all, I guess.

Oh, and one more thing…I feel like I should pick a beard of the year. So, the winner is…my pal James. James won the Beard of the Month back in February, and has kept his hairy trophy on display since, and now he looks like Guy Fawkes. You might say, ‘Oh, you’re only giving it to him because you know him,’ and you may be right, but you cannot argue against that beard, can you? Occupy facial hair, motherfuckers!

Ok, enjoy the holidaze, friends. There’s plenty slated for review once we resume activity in 2012, including Orange Goblin, Christian Mistress, Dwellers, Black Pyramid, King Giant, Rising, The Saint James Society, High on Fire, Earth, and much more! Maybe even an exclusive sneak peek at the new Sex Slaves album! See you in the New Year.

I know I’m getting to the BOM early, but I’m only going to have one more post after this before we move into next year, and besides, I already have the recipients picked out, so I don’t see any need to tarry. Oh, and if you don’t know by now, December is henceforth renamed Decembeard, although I do encourage you to just grow a beard every month, forever and always. Ok?

Now, this month’s winner is whomever this guy is! While I don’t know his name, I do love his beard; I can only hope my beard seasons itself as beautifully as his has. This savory gentleman, who, given the time of year, might be the coolest Santa ever with a beat-up pick-up for a sled, was posted on The Twilight Singers’ facebook page, and not only is it a terrific shot featuring a terrific beard, it’s got Greg Dulli’s fingerprints on it. Also terrific. Anyway, sir, your beard is storm born and wicked as hell, so congratulations!

Oh, and this month’s runners up are Kevin Clark and Tim Herzog from the North Carolina sludge metal band Black Skies. I never got around to reviewing their new album, On the Wings of Time, so I’m making up for it by honouring their singer/guitarist and drummer right here and now. But really, they would’ve made it based on those beards alone because those are some legit fuckers. Sea captain up front, wizard in the rear. Hell of a job, fellas.