Why is Torche so fucking good? Because they’re candy, that’s why. And they’re a black eye. Ok, I’m punch drunk, I admit it. I’m on a sugar high. I’m caught up in a vortex of pure pleasure, my mind dancing like metal shavings under a magnet; it’s what happens when I listen to a new Torche album. But euphoric straightjacket notwithstanding, I’m certain no other band has ever fused catchy and heavy so successfully as Torche, and Harmonicraft is a benchmark achievement. They blow the sky wide open right from the start with “Letting Go” and “Kicking,” both of which are standout, amped-up graduates from The Wildhearts’ school of power pop, then the leads completely lose it on “Walk it Off” and “Reverse Inverted” and you suddenly realize how good Torche sound with solos, and by the time the harrowing riff beast “In Pieces” announces itself as what is sure to be the loudest addition to Torche’s live set list, you’re flat out in comatose bliss. But it doesn’t stop there. Oh, no. Next you find yourself riding the haywire merry-go-round that is “Snakes Are Charmed” and when that merry-go-round flies off its bearings and runs amok in “Sky Trials,” you’re beyond thrilled to be part of the happy chaos. And so on and so on all the way down the rest of the 13-song line until the “Harmonicraft” itself lands amid a static attack and the Earth slowly falls out from underneath you on closer “Looking On”. The re-addition of a second guitarist (Andrew Elstner) seems to have given the Florida band opportunity to tweak their dynamic and push their signature rush of melodic sludge into the various creative avenues mentioned above, and thus Harmonicraft (which has been produced by the band and mixed by Kurt Ballou) bursts forth from the metal stratosphere with devastatingly delicious (and awesomely gay — see the cover and “Kiss Me Dudely”) certitude. Man, so fucking good might be an understatement.
That’s it. You’ve convinced me, Brooklyn. You are now thee number one spot in the world for heavy, weird, fuzzy, psychedelic music. Okay? Hull, Elks, Bad Dream, Weird Owl, Children…and now Bezoar. I’m sure there’s plenty more rats crawling around in the sewers there that I’m not even aware of, but as far as I’m concerned right now, none of ‘em are bigger — or carry more diseases — than Bezoar. I mean, even their name invokes images of a mythical beast from children’s fables, and this three-headed varmint more than lives up to the hairy, red eye scares it promises. Expounding doom-infused wyt noize, Bezoar’s debut full-length, Wyt Deth, is a lumbering mess of feedback and mildewy riffs, a witchy, warbling deth-psych album that’s definitely hard to listen to, but surely impossible to turn off. Whether it’s the short and sweet allure of songs like “Burn Everything” and “Nikola” or the long and devastating hold of songs like “We Are Not Alone” and “Knight,” the whole damn thing is nauseously enchanting, and you might think it sounds like a dungeon full of hungry, dying prisoners moaning for sunlight, water, and mercy, but that’s just Sara Palmquist (bass/vocals), Tyler Villard (guitar), and Justin Sherrell (drums) laying down the most mystical stoner metal you’re likely to hear all year. Awesome stuff.
I had never heard of Dr. Aubrey de Grey until Broken Beard reader Jaki Cunha asked me, “Have you seen the beard on Dr. Aubrey de Grey?” His beard, she said, was like a beard on top of a beard. With all due respect to Ms. Cunha, that’s one hell of an understatement. The fact is, the good doctor’s beard is a majestic fur; it’s as if his face is wearing a dead fox. It’s a glorious, Yosemite Sam son-of-a-bitch the likes of which makes me weep with envy and astonishment. Dr. de Grey deals in gerontology, the study of aging, and is best known for his theories that aging can be abolished and that humans could possibly live much longer lives. If his beard is any indication of his science, this man is a fucking genius. Now, someone pass me a tissue, damn it.
My apologies to Hazzard’s Cure guitarist Leo Buckley for having to follow such an amazing opener, but I hope he takes it as a compliment and it inspires him to keep ‘er going. According to Hazzard’s Cure drummer Clint Baechle, Leo’s got the best beard in the band, and it’s now longer than it is in this picture. Well, that’s good enough for me! Best of luck growing that black beast, buddy!
Torche
Bezoar
