The Best Beard of the Year

Despite the fact that he probably spent most of the year sportin’ an old-timey mustache, I’m giving beard of the year to Dirty Sweet singer, Ryan Koontz. I became enamored with Dirty Sweet this year after I heard their amazing sophomore album, American Spiritual, and kind of developed a man crush on Koontz thanks to this beard (my wife can vouch…I wouldn’t stop watching videos of him and his band in action). If we’re to judge his beard by this picture, it screams gnarly sophistication. Sometimes it’s okay to have a beard that makes you look like a serial rapist, but other times you want that 1800s professor of psychology look. With its prevalent chin and neck growth, distinguished wisps of grey, and droopy ‘stache, it’s a beard that says I teach radical theories by day and guzzle cognac and chase wenches by night.

Speaking of serial rapist beards, the best collection of beards in one band goes to Valient Thorr. I mean, who else, right? These guys are beard champions. The key to their success? A Complete lack of soap and lots of denim. And a nod to Blacktusk bassist Jonathan Athon for sheer length. He’s got one hell of a pavement tickler there.

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Year-end, best-of lists are the worst. I’ve never read one I’ve agreed with. If they don’t make me mad as hell they make me question my own taste and judgment…for about three seconds. But man, do I ever hate those three seconds! Of course, the truth of it is it’s all arbitrary bullshit, nothing more than one-upsmanship (sic) spouted from the pedestal of holier than thou record collections by bearded twats just like me. Which brings me to my 2010 wrap-up, naturally. I urge you to take it for what it is, a cursory, but hopefully entertaining, glance at the most noteworthy aspects of the 105 albums I reviewed this year. And nothing more, except maybe your own three seconds of lame agony.

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Kylesa
Spiral Shadow
Prosthetic

Just a year and a half after releasing the awesome Static Tensions, Kylesa is back with Spiral Shadow, a layered and darker take on their three-headed, four-armed, crossover brand of Savannah sludge metal. Bulldozing stoner rock convention with an alt-psych approach to riffing that swirls around you like a tempest of exotic head winds, the eleven songs on Spiral Shadow contain calculated Mastodon-like breakdowns, Torche-minded melodies, and a pure, state-sanctioned heaviness also shared by fellow Georgians Zoroaster and Blacktusk. Five albums in and Kylesa seem to be hitting their meteoric stride, and Spiral Shadow is as chaotic, complex, current, and crucial as they come.

Listen to “To Forget” from Spiral Shadow!