Hazzard’s Cure

On their self-titled full-length debut, San Francisco’s Hazzard’s Cure bruise and belch their way through a fungal-covered forest on the backs of corpse boars, spears poised to strike the life from those they pursue. Their rabid, sporadic approach to the hunt is propelled by a steady stream of heavy metal buggery; bastard forms of sludge, hardcore, death, doom, speed, and thrash not only occupy the album as a whole but often appear within the same song, and the songs themselves (which range from three to ten minutes in length) run together like the warm blood of their prey. This kind of unfocused racket is often the battle cry of the drunk and stoned, and there’s no doubt that’s the case here, but while songs like “Meet Me at the Mountain” and “Great Dishonor” were born in the bottom of bongs and bottles, “Psilocybin” and “Wolves’ Banquet” are pure mosh pit fodder. But then there’s “Tossed and Dethroned,” “Clashing of Hordes,” and “Prayer of the Hunted,” all of which sound like Mastodon, Black Breath, and Viking Skull trading riffs inside a burning church, and you decide once and for all that there’s no use trying to figure it out because it’s just plain ol’ fucking metal.

Listen to Hazzard’s Cure right here!

Elder tap that critical vein, the one where the blood runs slow and thick, and they must know how good their stuff tastes, how addictive it really is, because like any pusher worth their salt, they hook us five songs at a time every two to three years. Thank Satan’s graces that those five songs hold enough crushing doom to keep us down and out until the next batch roll around. ‘Twas the way with their self-titled debut and just when you thought they’d been pinched and were gone forever, lost to the land of the tattooed sodomites, they show up like a greasy cousin to ruin your life once more. And with news that Black Pyramid has crumbled, now is the perfect time for Elder to indoctrinate the proud and confused with their spaced-out Sleep worship. On Dead Roots Stirring, the Massachusetts trio take the fuzz-punch of their debut and trick it out with a heavy dose of harmonics and melodic riffs, creating a more energized psych-doom that treads other genre waters as well, like stoner rock and post-rock. The end result is 52 minutes of boundary-baiting boldness; part Wizard, part Sasquatch, part Jupiter, all Awesome.

Listen to “The End” from Dead Roots Stirring!

3 Inches of Blood

When 3 Inches of Blood released Here Waits Thy Doom in in 2009, their first album without growler Jamie Hooper, I was excited to hear what the band could do with falsetto master — and beard champion — Cam Pipes alone at the helm. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the effort, and the album became a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. Whatever soul (if you can have such a thing in heavy metal) the band had left with Hooper, apparently, which wasn’t what the Vancouver headbangers needed after guitarists Sunny Dhak and Bob Froese took their amazing riff-wielding power with them to Pride Tiger after 3IoB put out what stands as one of my favourite metal albums of all time, 2004′s Advance and Vanquish. However, I’m still a huge fan, and when I caught them live a few months back it was the inclusion of this EP’s two songs, “Lords of Change” and “Strength of the Grave,” into their set list that roused me from my drunken stupor. It sounded to me, at that time, that 3IoB had re-captured that battle cry of yore, that snappy, traditional thrash, that blood-spilling, leather n’ spikes mayhem that made me fall in love with ‘em in the first place. Now, listening to this EP, there’s no doubt that 3IoB have mounted the red-eyed steed once again as they gallop through both songs at a furiously purposeful pace, slaying thine enemies where they stand before soaring through the sing-along choruses with swords held high. But the victory is short-lived, the anthems spoiled by a hollow, St. Anger-like production, which, given the apparent return to form, doesn’t make much sense at all. That being said, I’m excited about the next full-length, especially if these songs are any indication about where the band is going next. Hell, it’s even nice to see a sweet cover again, one that hearkens back to Edward Repka’s Advance and Vanquish genius.

Listen to “Strength of the Grave” from Anthems for the Victorious!

Premonition 13

And here we are with Scott “Wino” Weinrich’s latest band, Premonition 13. The last couple of years saw the DOOM LEGEND without a band as he collaborated with friends (and legends in their own right) Al Cisneros, Scott Kelly, and Dale Crover in Shrinebuilder and released a couple of solo albums, including the acoustic effort Adrift. But now the man who’s left a trail of awesome bands behind him like no other is back in front of a stack once again with long-time friend Jim “Sparky” Karow, with whom he’s been jamming in the California desert since his days in The Obsessed. Well, the two have taken the fruits of those labors, and a mutual interest in magnetism, Mesoamerican history, and ancient cultures, and poured it into 13, a psych-doom tapestry of simple, heavy riffs and acid-fried grooves. It is, obviously, distinctly Wino, meaning songs like “Hard to Say,” “Clay Pigeons,” and “La Hechicera de la Jeringa” contain the captivating menace of fireside stories told by the most respected, feared, and battle-scarred elder/warrior of the tribe, but there are times when Wino finds himself treading some weird n’ wild territory, like on the nine minute opener “B.E.A.U.T.Y.,” “Senses,” and “Peyote Road,” each of ‘em altered states of a proud, monolithic craft. Also of note is the way Premonition 13 dips their long grey hair into Motörhead’s dirty pool on the bloozy, tongue-in-cheek tune “Deranged Rock N’ Roller,” the daringly melodic “Modern Man,” in which Wino’s vocal prowess shimmers with the slightest pop sensibilities, and the fact that, with the exception of Shrinebuilder, this is the first time Wino hasn’t completely owned guitar duties in a band, and the consequence of freedom is evident. For some, Premonition 13 might be just another Wino band, but it sounds to me like the cult hero who left blood-drawn paintings on cavern walls all those years ago has returned to reveal their true meanings.

Listen to “La Hechicera de la Jeringa” from 13!

Valhalla Rising

When I rented this movie, it came with a warning from the clerk. She said that people had been complaining about the lack of dialogue. I thanked her for the warning, but assured her that I would go ahead and rent the movie anyway because I only care about Viking blood. Lots and lots of Viking blood. So, to put your mind at ease, there is a good amount of dialogue and there’s even more Viking blood. It’s definitely slow in parts, but it’s beautifully shot, and its story about a mute, one-eyed Viking slave fleeing his captors and making a journey through the fog to the Holy Land is pretty awesome. Highly recommended.

Piranha

This Piranha is a re-make of the 1978 movie of the same name and it’s an ultra campy, super gory jiggle fest about piranhas who ruin spring break for a lot of drunk douche-bags. Sometimes we only a watch movie because it’s overloaded with blood and tits; this is one of those movies. The acting is terrible and most of it didn’t make sense, but that doesn’t matter one bit here. I didn’t watch the 3D version, but I imagine it’ll blow your mind.

Paranormal Activity 2

I didn’t think Paranormal Activity 2 had as many scares as Paranormal Activity, but it also didn’t aggravate me as much. What I mean by that is, the first movie really built up its horror well with a heavy concentration on the escalating terror, but all the squabbling, home video nonsense got on my nerves after awhile. This one here didn’t have any of that petty arguing, which made it much more watchable, but its horror seemed weaker somehow. If you haven’t seen the first one, you should, because it ties in neatly with this one. Not a bad sequel at all, it’s just too bad they couldn’t take the best of both and make one great movie.

Antichrist

This is one awesomely bizarre movie, man. Shot in varying styles and laid out in four chapters (with a prologue and epilogue), Antichrist is about a couple who retreat to a cabin (dubbed “Eden”) in the woods to cope with the loss of their son. The psychotherapist husband (Willem Defoe) tries to treat his grieving wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg), but everything becomes unraveled in a darkly erotic and disturbing manner. I swear, you could dissect this one for weeks and still not have even scratched the surface. It’s completely intense, among other things. Hell, it’s not even a movie. It’s art. See it immediately.

Lo-Pan
Salvador

Hot off last year’s remixed and remastered Sasquanaut, Lo-Pan waste very little time dropping a pulsing crate of new songs right on to the collective heads of the Small Stone/stoner rock faithful. That crate, ever heavy and dangerous, is stamped Salvador (go ahead, smile at the cover’s clever rebus), and as best as I can tell was a wartime leftover that once contained a shitload of trinitrotoluene. But like a bunch of fearless jackals, the Ohio quartet have gone and pilfered all that TNT, wrapped it in the blood and crust of last night’s good times, repacked it in atomic dust, and sealed it with a fist. Its demolishing power is off the charts. Its explosive energy knows no limits. Its massive, mind-fuck aplomb is cerebral, not dumb, and the band practically urges us to embrace Salvador‘s surreal shock. I mean, there’s gotta be a reason “Intro” is the sixth song in, right? Anyway, what Lo-Pan does, quite obviously, is destroy, and I’m impressed with their ability to bring Kyuss’ groundbreaking desert rock vibe into the 21st century via soaring, melodic vocals over top of mean, fuzzy, smoky riffs.

Listen to “Bleeding Out” from Salvador!

Howl
Full of Hell

Yeah, yeah…I know I’m late with this one by a bunch of months, but I figure I better catch up on all the stuff I missed throughout the year before it’s too late. In fact, most of the reviews from this point forward until the end of the year will probably concern albums that have been out for awhile that, for one reason or another, I never got around to attacking when it mattered. Cue Providence, Rhode Island’s Howl, another big, fat pack of flesh-eating rats in Relapse’s verminous army, which means they’ve got the disease n’ doom down pat. Their debut, Full of Hell, is just that, teeming with ambitiously black riffs and emitting a world-eating belch with the heaviest, most foul stench. True, there’s not much musically that separates the nine songs here, but that hardly matters when they take on this kind of sludge metal groove, chugging and rolling like a mean-ass motherfucker with blood on his boots. An impressively boss full-length debut, and bonus points for the epic Ryan Begley cover art.

Listen to “Gods in Broken Men” from Full of Hell!

Frozen

The idea behind Frozen, the 2010 horror movie about three skiers stuck on a chair lift high above a mountain side, kind of reminds me of the old Mitch Hedberg joke about the above-ground swimming pool commercial, and how it can only be 30 seconds long because that’s the most amount of time you can depict having fun in an above-ground swimming pool. I didn’t think it would be possible to squeeze a whole movie’s worth of scares out of such an above-ground premise (and it wasn’t, really), but Frozen does manage to push your anxiety meter well into the red simply because it thrives on a totally reasonable, palpable fear. That being said, it’s not hard to predict what lies ahead for our stranded skiers (i.e. finding a way down, frostbite, etc.), who don’t seem to be taking their survival very seriously (do up your coat, idiot!), and you have to be able to handle the kind of dialogue that evolves from a stranded situation, such as blaming, arguing, crying, and reminiscing. However, the circling, hungry wolves were an excellent touch.

Check out the trailer for Frozen!

30 Days of Night: Dark Days

If you remember 30 Days of Night at all, you’ll remember that an Alaskan town was ravaged by vampires during a time of the year when the sun doesn’t rise. Well, its sequel, Dark Days, finds a survivor from that movie (Josh Hartnett’s wife) traveling the country giving lectures in an effort to shed some light (ha!) on what happened to her town and to convince people of the existence of vampires. She makes her way to LA where she hooks up with some other survivors intent on revenge and they convince her to go vampire killing with them with the specific purpose of taking out the Queen and preventing the next planned attack. This movie trades the chilly Alaskan landscape for the sewers of LA, and while quite straightforward in its action-horror delivery, it provides a decent amount of gore and was a bit better than I expected.

Check out the trailer for 30 Days of Night: Dark Days!

The Wild Hunt

The Wild Hunt is a 2009 Canadian movie about a role-playing weekend that goes horribly wrong, but if you’re at all nervous about watching a movie about a bunch of nerds dressed up as Vikings, Arthurian knights, and elves, running around in the woods swinging foam swords and anvils at each other, don’t be, because this movie is awesome. It’s about this guy named Erik, whose girlfriend, Lyn, leaves him to go take part in the role-playing game, which she was introduced to by Erik’s brother Bjorn. So Erik must go after her and try to convince her to come back, only in order to do that he must assume a character and join his Bjorn’s Viking clan and rescue her (she is a Viking princess) from the clutches of the evil Murtagh. Despite the underlying, self-effacing humor, The Wild Hunt is a dark story about love, delusion, escapism, fear, anger, and responsibility. It’s got a really great indie vibe to it, amazing performances, and climaxes with one brutally savage scene. Definitely check this one out.

Check out the trailer for The Wild Hunt!

The Crown
Doomsday King

The Crown have returned. After a six year absence, the Swedish death metal band has a new singer (Jonas Stålhammar of God Macabre) and a new album, the colossally brutal statement, Doomsday King. That statement, as best as I can make it, is a steadfast one, a waving, tattered black banner under which a united front of undead, steel-helmeted militia stand tall and hungry, whose demise was nothing more than a self-imposed exile from which they could choose to rise at any time. Well, the time is now; the front-line swells, sharpened scythes are held high, the victor’s spoils waiting to be plucked from the night sky amidst flying blood and angel’s screams. Perhaps driven by the desire to erase their absence from our collective conscious all together, the resurrected Crown strike with obvious purpose, unleashing a relentless slaughter of death thrash that sounds ultimately more sinister than anything they’ve done before. It isn’t, of course. It just sounds that way because it’s been so long, but there does seem to be a slight shift away from the motor-driven death n’ roll of previous albums, probably because they’ve turned off the long highway through Hades and now it’s time to kill…and eat like kings.

Listen to “Age of Iron” from Doomsday King!

Red Giant
Dysfunctional Majesty

Red Giant have always been somewhat of an enigma. They disappear for years at a time and just when you think you’ve forgotten all about ‘em, they show up at your door one day, ten stories tall, clutching a sledgehammer in one hand and a cluster of planets in the other hand, a shit-eating grin like a chasm on their face. Then all of a sudden it’s like they never went anywhere at all, and the reason they’ve only put out two albums in the last eleven years (1999′s Ultra-Magnetic Glowing Sound and 2004′s Devil Child Blues) is because they’re thick-chested overlords of the cosmic mean machine with some heavy duty responsibilities, like riding high atop choppers of flame into the heart of interstellar battle, forging lunar wars in the name of universal dominion. Only when they’ve defeated their space foes and captured the black skies above us do they settle down to tell tales of their conquests via macho, bubbling, dope n’ roll songs. Their latest episode, Dysfunctional Majesty, is another batch of bad-ass biker metal blues cut from blood-soaked denim and bathroom walls, which means it sounds like AC/DC, Alabama Thunderpussy, Beggar’s Ball, Dixie Witch, and any one of Wino’s bands all at once, in case you’re having trouble remembering. However, dig the Clutch-like groove on “These Satisfactions are Permanent” and the Sleep-like doom of “Silver Shirley” for some new twists on their gruesome, galactic sound. Hop on board this one, friends, because it’s one hell of an awesome ride and who knows when they’ll be back around for another spin.

Listen to “Chopper” from Dysfunctional Majesty!

Buy Dysfunctional Majesty from Small Stone!