Year of No Light
Ausserwelt
Conspiracy Records

As you might expect, France’s Year of No Light sound like they hail from a land of icy repute and not the wine-rich Bordeaux region, what with their penchant for vile, sunless riffs and cold, callous fits of melancholic metal. And what goes on in this dark place where the golden rays of heaven’s fire refuse to shine? Well, terrible things, naturally, which is why the music that emerges from the fog and shadows is as black as a raven’s beak and as haunting as an asylum graveyard. I have no doubt that it takes an immortal kind of effort (or a pact with the Anti-Christ) to conjure up this kind of desolate dirge, which explains why Ausserwelt is just the second full-length release from Year of No Light in their near 10-year career (alongside a demo and a slew of splits).

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High Watt Crucifixers
High Watt Crucifixers
Self-Released

Texas neck breakers, the High Watt Crucifixers, take the nut up or shut up approach to layin’ down road burnin’ sleaze rock songs, which means their self-titled debut sounds like something you’d want blastin’ away while you’re getting your cock tattooed in a truck stop restroom by a lot lizard with a loose moose knuckle. It’s a greasy good time, is what I’m really getting at here, and like all ragged riff merchants, their degenerate roots can be traced all the way back to AC/DC, but they throw in enough speed, fuzz, and punk to call to mind bands like Zeke, The Divine Brown, and the Riverboat Gamblers. Now, High Watt aren’t selling me anything I don’t already own with songs like “Easy Action,” “You Want It,” “Sell Your Soul,” or “Rock N Roll Salvation,” but I’ve yet to hear a sleazy scorcher in all my bearded years with one of those familiar titles that’s even come close to letting me down. Same goes here as each one of ‘em feeds my demon and blasts me with a heavy dose of hot evil action, like I’m French kissing a blow torch. And that, brothers and sisters, is totally bad-ass.

Listen to “Easy Action” from High Watt Crucifixers!

“You’re a terrible best friend. You stole my toys when we were little. You poured lemonade on my bed.”
“And now I’m eating your boyfriend. At least I’m consistent.”

Diablo Cody scored a lot of accolades for penning Juno. That movie turned Ellen Page into a mainstream star, capitalized on everyone’s love for the awkwardly funny Michael Cera, and showcased Cody’s hip, razor-sharp writing skills. “That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.” Gold, right? Well, Cody was clearly aiming for the fences again with Jennifer’s Body, which stars everyone’s ultra-babe, Megan Fox, as a sexy, boy-eating demon. I’d accuse Cody of completely selling out, but this idea is so good I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it first. It takes the high school drama chicks go for, throws in the flesh-eating action dudes go for, and puts Megan Fox right in the middle of it all. Shameless, I tell ya, but who doesn’t love a little shame now and then?

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