That’s right, ‘kaw.’ As in the sound a bird makes. Or, to be more exact, the sound a killer raven makes before it tears you to pieces with its black beak and sharp claws. Now, if you’re thinking, “Gee, with a name like that, the movie couldn’t possibly be any good,” you’d be pretty much right. So let’s toss aside the obvious Hitchcockian angle here and focus on what really matters: the terrible fate of the humble country folk who must battle an epidemic of mad ravens with a hunger for flesh. How will they survive? I mean…will they survive?

(more…)

“You’re a terrible best friend. You stole my toys when we were little. You poured lemonade on my bed.”
“And now I’m eating your boyfriend. At least I’m consistent.”

Diablo Cody scored a lot of accolades for penning Juno. That movie turned Ellen Page into a mainstream star, capitalized on everyone’s love for the awkwardly funny Michael Cera, and showcased Cody’s hip, razor-sharp writing skills. “That ain’t no Etch-A-Sketch. This is one doodle that can’t be un-did, Homeskillet.” Gold, right? Well, Cody was clearly aiming for the fences again with Jennifer’s Body, which stars everyone’s ultra-babe, Megan Fox, as a sexy, boy-eating demon. I’d accuse Cody of completely selling out, but this idea is so good I’m just pissed I didn’t think of it first. It takes the high school drama chicks go for, throws in the flesh-eating action dudes go for, and puts Megan Fox right in the middle of it all. Shameless, I tell ya, but who doesn’t love a little shame now and then?

(more…)

“Let’s get this one.”
“But Val Kilmer is in it.”
“Come on, Val Kilmer does great work. I mean, not recently, but he has…twice.”

That’s how the wife and I ended up grabbing The Thaw. But it wasn’t just Val Kilmer’s billing that sold us, it was also because The Thaw is about researchers who discover – and become infected by – deadly parasites feeding on a woolly mammoth carcass in the Canadian arctic. We LIVE in the Canadian arctic (or damn close, anyway) so we felt watching The Thaw could one day prepare us for when the ice actually melts and unleashes tiny prehistoric killers that will do their best to feast on our flesh. For instance, we discovered that cutting off your arm at the elbow because you’ve been bitten near the wrist will not, in fact, save the rest of your arm…or you. That’s important information.

(more…)