Black Spiders
Sons of the North
Dark Riders

It’s hard to imagine that the Tokyo Dragons, in their brief, two-album career, could have influenced anybody, but here come fellow UK’ers Black Spiders, swingin’ their hot nuts and givin’ me the fear like the Dragons used to do. Of course, it might make more sense to compare the Spiders’ explosive, hi-top arena rock to bands like KISS, AC/DC, and Motörhead (all of whom the band have referenced in their music by way of lyrics or cover songs), and I wouldn’t be surprised to find out there’s a Soundgarden, Circus of Power, and Four Horsemen freak in their ranks too, but you know what I’m getting at here: this is music for keg parties, biker rallies, or any event where a hot tub and cocaine are present. Sons of the North is the band’s first full-length after a steady diet of EPs for the last two plus years (The St. Peter EP, Cinco Hombres [Diez Cojones], and No Goats in the Omen) and thumps its chest so loud and proud it bruises the heart deep inside. Old fans of the band will notice some familiar bite in the previously released songs “Stay Down,” “Just Like a Woman,” and “St. Peter”, but the way the album seamlessly weaves eye-lined sleaze rock excitement (“KISS Tried to Kill Me,” “Easy Peasy,” “What Good’s a Rock Without a Roll?”) with bearded stoner rock bullying (“Blood of the Kings,” “Man’s Ruin,” “Si, El Diablo”) is a mouthful of deliciously bloody meat you’ll want to feast on for a long time to come. Pull this one out at the next hot tub biker keg party rally you attend and you’ll find yourself fighting and fucking the night away, guaranteed.

Check out the video for “Just Like a Woman” from Sons of the North (even though this video was shot when they released the song on No Goats in the Omen)!

Well, I guess we’ve finally reached that moment, but before I reveal my favourite song and album of the year, I do want to give out consolatory honours to some albums and songs that, had I been ranking things this year, would’ve been right up there at the top, competing for bearded glory. I’ve already mentioned Black Mountain’s Wilderness Heart, Sweet Apple’s Love & Desperation, Dirty Sweet’s American Spiritual, and The Kings of Frog Island’s III, all of which should be highlighted, but I want to add the following albums and songs into their company…

High On Fire’s Snakes for the Divine, The Sword’s Warp Riders, Year of No Light’s Ausserwelt, Agalloch’s Marrow of the Spirit, Tweak Bird’s Tweak Bird, Souvenir’s Young America’s The Name of the Snake, and The Adjusters’ Reckless Relations. Every single one of ‘em is highly recommended.

Shit, I don’t think I can stop there. Okay, let’s also add Night Horse’s Perdition Hymns, Alcest’s Écailles de lune, Dead Trooper’s Cynicist, Brother Dege’s Folksongs of the American Longhair, Trap Them’s Filth Rations, the Melvins’ The Bride Screamed Murder, Electric Wizard’s Black Masses, Torche’s Songs for Singles, Violent Soho’s Violent Soho, Daughters’ Daughters, and Year Long Disaster’s Black Magic; All Mysteries Revealed. I could probably keep going, but these stand-outs will have to do.

As for songs, there was Black Mountain’s “The Hair Song” and “Sadie,” and Sweet Apple’s “Do You Remember,” and “Flying Up a Mountain,” but there were two others I had a tendency to play over and over again all year long, and those were Against Me!’s “Spanish Moss” and The Sword’s “Night City.”

But now, let’s just get this damn year-end thing over with…

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This piece of shit movie is supposed to be about disenfranchised teens, the bonds of friendship, and sexual curiosity, blah blah, but I think it’s just an hour and a half of poorly acted, terribly scripted, rape. Or necrophilia, depending on how you want to look at it. First, I couldn’t get past the 20-something actors that are suppose to be high school kids.  It didn’t work on 90210 and it’s not working here. Second, given the averages laid out by this film, 100% of men — sorry, boys — who come across a bound and dead (or near dead) body of a woman aren’t going to try and help her, but are going to fuck her repeatedly. If only the girls at school would just spread their legs, then these guys wouldn’t have to fuck a living corpse, huh? I guess that’s another point this movie is trying to make, so pay attention ladies. And about this dead girl? Well, she’s not really dead in so much as she can’t die. Don’t even bother asking why or how she got that way because that kind of detail isn’t important. The important thing is, she’s naked and not really willing.

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