Anyone can rock a beard in the winter, but it takes a special kind of maniac to keep their face under thick bush in the blistering heat, so I salute all of you who don’t puss out and shave your beard every time July rolls around. Your 12-month dedication to the beard is inspiring.

You know who doesn’t shave his beard in the summer? This month’s winner, Reaper Maximus. Seen here with his incredible wife, Heidi Coffin, Mr. Maximus has been a long-time beard-o, and if he ran the world, there’d be a GWAR concert every day, Hallowe’en would be an eight-month long holiday, and we’d all be driving around in uninsured hearses. Now that’s a society I could fall in line with. Congratulations, Reaper! That’s one rusty mess on your mug and I love it.

And how about those gnarly, Ginsberg-ian beards on runners-up Mike Cummings and Rylan Caspar from Pennsylvania band Backwoods Payback? They’re demonstratively awesome, physical manifestations of the band’s name and sound. You can just tell they pick their teeth with the bones of tiny animals.

Oh, and remember how I gave BOM honours in May to tattoo artists Heath Smith, Chris Iwaniuk, and Andrew Christou at Showdown Tattoos in Edmonton and promised to post that special picture of ‘em dressed as a trio of drunk frontiersmen from the shady settlement of Beardsville? Well, here it is…

May’s Beard of the Month — or Beards — goes to the collective of gnarly artists (and dudes) at Showdown Tattoo and Skateboards in Edmonton, specifically Heath Smith, Chris Iwaniuk, and Andrew Christou. The first time I stepped into the shop a few months back, I hung my own beard in shame because it was easily fourth best in the whole place, and it’s usually the best any other place. Now, I was hoping to get a really sweet picture of these beards (said picture also includes coon-skin hats and muskets), but the end of the month has arrived and I don’t have it yet, so here’s a more menacing back-up picture (thank you, Google image search). It’s a few years old because the beards aren’t as epic and Heath’s not present, but you get the idea. Also included are the shop’s owners, Dustin Lowry and Steve Batt. I promise to post the originally intended picture when I get it.

May’s silver star is James Atkinson, singer and guitarist for UK band Gentlemans Pistols. I love the band, I love their new album, At Her Majesty’s Pleasure, and I love this British motherfucker’s beard. It’s more than proper. Photo credit to Maren Guse, whoever that is.

The Best Beard of the Year

Despite the fact that he probably spent most of the year sportin’ an old-timey mustache, I’m giving beard of the year to Dirty Sweet singer, Ryan Koontz. I became enamored with Dirty Sweet this year after I heard their amazing sophomore album, American Spiritual, and kind of developed a man crush on Koontz thanks to this beard (my wife can vouch…I wouldn’t stop watching videos of him and his band in action). If we’re to judge his beard by this picture, it screams gnarly sophistication. Sometimes it’s okay to have a beard that makes you look like a serial rapist, but other times you want that 1800s professor of psychology look. With its prevalent chin and neck growth, distinguished wisps of grey, and droopy ‘stache, it’s a beard that says I teach radical theories by day and guzzle cognac and chase wenches by night.

Speaking of serial rapist beards, the best collection of beards in one band goes to Valient Thorr. I mean, who else, right? These guys are beard champions. The key to their success? A Complete lack of soap and lots of denim. And a nod to Blacktusk bassist Jonathan Athon for sheer length. He’s got one hell of a pavement tickler there.

(more…)