Thunderfist
Thunderfist
ECG Records

Thunderfist are a buncha Salt Lake City chuckleheads whose songs about rockin’, partyin’, and pussy are the base form of love and worship that mold many a gutter-scraping record. This, their third, is a wham bam affair, some rubber-meets-road bad biker fun, amped-up and blasted out like all your favourite speed dealers, namely Zeke, High Watt Crucifixers, Nashville Pussy, Cocked and Loaded, and Ironboss (but you could go ahead and name a bunch more if you like). The fact that Thunderfist rips through covers of Street Walkin’ Cheetahs’ “None of Your Business” and Blag Dahlia’s lyrically update version of Eric Carmen’s “That’s Rock and Roll” ought to also shine a light on the dirty hole out of which this one crawled, but if you’re gonna listen to Thunderfist for any reason at all, it has to be for “The Wizard’s Lament,” a thick-riffed beard pleaser that’d make Bible of the Devil and Red Fang take notice. Or for any one of the juicy solos, specifically the one that drips off of “As Good As It Gets (Mick Mayo Party Pt. 2)”. This one’s got action, Jack, and just like any good time, you’ll come for the thunder but stay for the fist.

Listen to “The Wizard’s Lament” from Thunderfist!

Christian Mistress
Possession
Relapse

I used to listen to bands like Shiny Mama, Sister Sin, and Vanity Ink when I hungered for estrogen-powered sleaze metal, but lately I’ve been turning to the ladies of the night fronting occult rockers The Devil’s Blood, Purson, and Blood Ceremony to satiate those desires. Christian Mistress, and its shadowy scream queen Christine Davis, just happen to cover all of my basest urges in one axe-ripping shot, and their third release, Possession, emerges from the dry ice head down and crotch out. The Olympia, Washington band are no doubt steeped heavily in the NWOBHM tradition, but Davis’ throaty presence will make you recall — with a lot of teenage boy fondness — those Lita Ford and Doro Pesch posters you used to hang on your bedroom wall, and Possession‘s raw, tricked-out energy is as much barroom bottle fight as it is parking lot party. No matter if it’s the twin shred of “Pentagram and Crucifix,” the moto-madness of “Conviction,” the witchy lead-in to “The Way Beyond,” or the ritualistic doom of the title track,” Possession is an authentically damnable affair, high flyin’ devil metal that’s all rock and no schlock. That doesn’t mean, however, that you won’t be completely tempted to paint a wizard on the side of a van or put on a steel cod piece and attack it with a chainsaw.

Listen to “Conviction” from Possession!

The Shrine
Bless Off Demo
Eliminator Records

Almost exactly two months ago I was flipping out over Glitter Wizard’s madcap rock n’ roll show, and now the one percent club I placed those dandy medieval spacemen in is getting some deserving new members, the equally out-there Los Angeles trio known as The Shrine. To say that you have to hear these psych-garage rangers before you do anything else is like saying you have to grow a beard — it’s obvious to the point of insult. Do it as quick as you can and reap the life-changing rewards. Just one run through Bless Off‘s neurotic, thrashy, fuzzy, riff-packed punk-doom hybrid and beer will taste better, partying will last longer, denim will fit snugger, and your conquests — sexual or otherwise — will be mightier. In fact, all you really need to know about The Shrine and Bless Off‘s influences are flagrantly displayed on the demo’s cover in black and white: Edvard Munch’s The Scream and Thin Lizzy’s Jailbreak. Oh, and in case you don’t know, tapes — yes, cassettes — are making a comeback, and if any band is tailor made for such an unnecessary but awesome underground fad, it’s The Shrine (they actually released their self-titled debut on tape). I really hope they don’t ever upgrade Bless Off from its demo status because any kind of sonic improvements to this dungeon ruckus will ruin the whole stinkin’ trip.

Listen to “Zipper Tripper” from Bless Off!