Valient Thorr
Stranger
Volcom Entertainment

The denim-clad lads in Valient Thorr have some of the best beards in the biz, and are crackpot experts at harnessing — and wielding — the beard’s potent rock n’ roll power. From the moment they found themselves stranded on Earth they’ve been an irrational, socially objectionable tour de grease, freaked-out stoner punk cavemen raping AC/DC riffs for kicks. Stranger, the North Carolina-by-way-of-Venus band’s fifth full-length, is as pumped up as the rest of ‘em, attacking your way of life from all sides and beating you about the head and neck with broken skateboard decks. Human fallibility and all-around douchebaggery are the focus of Valient Himself’s beer-breathed ire, and when combined with the electric assault of songs like “Double Crossed,” “Night Terrors,” and “Sudden Death is Nothing,” it makes for a bloody, sweaty, metal show that’ll call to mind Bible of Devil, Red Fang, or just some plain ol’ classic Thorr. Stranger might not have the same kind of impact as Immortalizer — or Total Universe Man for that matter — but it’s a righteous, rippin’ riot regardless.

Check out the video for “Double Crossed” from Stranger!

Why does it always seem that the only way a horror movie premise can work is if one or some of the lead characters display a complete lack of common sense? Take Dread, for instance. In this 2009 movie based on Clive Barker’s short story from his Books of Blood: Volume II, college film student Stephen Grace meets some dude on a smoke break outside one of his classes, Quaid, who apparently is also a student, but that’s not made very clear. To me he’s a creepy dude hanging out at a school in a shitty Luke Perry kind of way. Anyway, right away Quaid starts jabbering on about human psychology and behaviour, and asking really weird questions, and where most people would butt out their smoke and move away from the stranger, Stephen thinks, “Oh, hey, a friend!” So, when Quaid shows up at Stephen’s work the following day (how did he know where he worked?) telling him that he really wants to talk and that Stephen should come to his house, it’s all just par for the getting-to-know-your-new-creepy-friend course. Quaid’s house, of course, is some run down number in the woods, where as a six-year-old he once witnessed his parents’ murders by a crazy, axe-wielding maniac. He’s been living there ever since, I guess, in abject squalor, reliving the gruesome act over and over again. Stephen shows up (because how can this horror movie get any steam if Stephen doesn’t take up this stranger’s invitation) and is not at all put off by the house or its location or the fact that there’s a note on the door telling him to come down to the basement. Will Stephen run away and forget he ever met this creepy guy or will he go search out the basement? That’s right…basement it is.

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You know, I really didn’t have much hope for The Last House on the Left, the 2009 remake (or rather, adaptation) of Wes Craven’s 1972 film of the same name, because remakes are, for the most part, unoriginal, money-making film fodder. And I thought that my hopelessness was indeed going to prove true after watching the first five minutes of this movie and having to digest the terrible cop/criminal dialogue that takes place therein. Add on to that the usual isolated house in the woods location (where, of course, cell phones don’t work), a big storm on the horizon, the convenience of the father’s occupation as a surgeon (who better to exact torturous revenge?), the convenience of the daughter’s skills as a swimmer (who better to escape from the killers’ grasp by the lake?), and…well, you get the idea. However, my hopelessness quickly turned to complete and utter uncomfortable interest as this movie went on. By the end, I was disgusted…and pleased.

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